Dear Diary
by Minerva McBadass
Summary: INACTIVE. AU MerDer. Meredith writes all her thoughts down in her diary, but will it stay secret? Who will get hurt? Rated T for safety. A bit o' Maddison thrown in for good measure.
1. Chapter 1

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 1**

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**A/N: I'm not really sure about this, but I decided to put it up as my gut instinct is telling me to (: Oh and Finn isn't mcvet, I just used the name! Emily x**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT A LARGE PILE OF HOMEWORK AND A DUVET. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO SHONDA RHIMES. **

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_Dear Diary,_

_It's the first day of my internship! I feel such a rush! Seattle Grace Hospital has one of the best training programmes in the country, I feel so privileged! Cristina, Izzie, Alex, George and I are all staying together! Finn says I'm like a child on Christmas eve, my mom says she was the same. Oh, I have to get ready!_

Meredith checked her long, blonde hair in the mirror before putting up her umbrella and running to her car. Typical Seattle weather, rain. She laughed to herself, nothing was going to ruin this day. She had two dates in July marked in her calendar, the 1st and the 24th; her first day at SGH and her wedding day. She turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the gravel drive slowly, so as not to wake her fiancé on his day off. When she parked her car in the parking lot she sat and waited for her best friend's motorbike to zoom into view.

Cristina briefly scanned the parking lot before spotting Meredith's silver BMW. It hadn't been their choice of car, Mer and she had chosen an old VW camper van but Finn thought the BMW was more practical. Mer acted so differently around Finn; it used to be Meredith and Cristina, the twisted sisters. They made decisions together, they drank tequila together, they listened to each other's crap and danced it out. Meredith was her person, but she felt like she only had 24 days left of her best friend.

"Hey!" Mer was waving at Cristina brightly.

"You're too cheery for an early morning," Meredith laughed and linked arms with her best friend. It was going to be a good day.

ooo

"Izzie!" Izzie Stevens and Alex Karev walked into the interns' locker room hand in hand, shortly followed by George O'Malley.

"You alright Georgie?" Cristina's voice was mocking, but George shuddered.

"There was kissing…in the car…Izzie and Alex…kissing!" The five of them burst out laughing at George's awkwardness, nothing had changed since med school.

"Aw Georgie do you feel like a third wheel?" Alex punched George playfully on the arm and kissed Izzie softly before sauntering out of the room. Meredith could tell something was about to happen,

"Come on George, we have rounds in 10 minutes and I need coffee!"

ooo

I have 5 rules. Memorize them. Rule number 1. Don't bother sucking up. I already hate you, that's not gonna change. 

Trauma protocol. Phone lists. Pagers. Nurses will page you. You answer every page at a run. A run! That's rule number 2. Your first shift starts now and lasts 48 hours.

Your interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain. You run labs, write orders, work every second night until you drop and don't complain.

On call rooms. Attendings hog them. Sleep when you can, where you can. Which brings me to rule number 3. If I'm sleeping, don't wake me unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number 4. The dying patient better not be dead when I get there. Not only will you have killed someone, you would have woke me for no good reason. We clear?

Rule number five. When I move, you move. **Get out of my way!**

Being an intern, being at the bottom of the surgical food-chain, wasn't anything like George O'Malley had expected. He had envisioned helpful, smiling people who encouraged them and praised them. Maybe he had just been spending too much time with super perky optimistic Izzie.

"The nazi is vicious! Seriously, she told us _upfront_ that she hates us!" maybe it wasn't Izzie… "I think she's amazing though, she can hate me, but I'll just follow her around because she is so amazing. Then she'll _have_ to like me." No, it was definitely Izzie.

"The word I use is awesome," the five interns turned around to see _another _happy, smiling blonde.

"Arizona?" they all turned to face Izzie. She knew this attending already? Arizona's dimpled smile widened impossibly; Izzie jumped up and followed Arizona to an empty table, leaving the others in a state of shock. After a few minutes of silence, Alex was the first to speak,

"Ya know Georgie, you're the only one who isn't in a relationship here. Anyone ya fancy?"

"Cristina isn't dating!" Meredith piped in,

"Oh yes! Georgie and Yang!" Alex sniggered while the aforementioned glared at him.

"Seriously though George, is there anyone?" George could tell Meredith was genuinely concerned, he sighed,

"No, not at the moment. There was this girl, Lola, we dated for a few weeks, but she left." Meredith rubbed her friend's back soothingly.

"C'mon Georgie; Alex and Izzie are a couple, Meredith's got her fire-fighter. There has to be someone!"

"Well, I do like someone, but she's probably _way _out of my league."

"Who?" the question was echoed across the table,

"Dr Torres."

"The orthopaedic surgeon?"

"Yeah." No-one knew what to say.

ooo

"So who's Arizona?" Alex asked his girlfriend as they walked to their car. "Girl on girl?"

"We were best friends in high school, but her brother died and her family moved to New York. I guess she's back now!" Izzie practically bounced the last sentence. Alex laughed and took her hand. He felt a shock ripple through his body at the simple touch and the small, red velvet box burned a hole in his inside pocket.

ooo

"Finn?"

"In here!" Meredith followed the sound of Finn's deep, husky voice and the smell of homemade food to the kitchen.

"You're cooking? Aww, you didn't have to do that on your day off!" Meredith put down her purse before hugging Finn from behind and kissing his neck.

"I wanted to," he turned around to face her and place a soft butterfly kiss on her lips. Meredith smiled up at her fiancé. She hadn't been sure she wanted to settle down, but then she met Finn,

"This was your first day of your new career, we had to do something." They just smiled at each other, they didn't need to say anything. The oven beeped, breaking their perfect moment. Finn turned away and dished up the homemade pasta bake. Meredith talked for the whole period in which they were eating; she told Finn the exact details of her day.

_Dear Diary,_

_Finn is the one. Now I know. July 24__th__ cannot come any sooner!_

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**A/N: PHEW! I need a cuppa! Thoughts? More reviews = quicker update :D I know this chapter didn't really go anywhere, but I wanted to get the characters and the foundations of the story in place. Oh, I know Arizona wasn't there, but this is an AU fic and I couldn't resist! Anyways, this will get more exciting in chapter 2 I promise ;) Emily x **


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 2**

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**A/N: chapter 2 (YAY!) is up! You're lucky that latin is so boring, otherwise you wouldn't be getting this update. Thank you to those of you who reviewed / favourited! I didn't get very many, but it's early days **** please leave reviews, I can take critism! I like to know that someone is actually reading my stories, THIS IS NOT MY FAULT! I have self-confidence issues! (TRUE STORY)**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS! I DO, HOWEVER, OWN THIS LARGE MUG OF TEA AND THE LATIN BOOK I AM USING AS A COASTER.**

**I have no medical knowledge whatsoever, but I hope to someday **

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"Jones, plastics! Karev, Stevens, in the pit! Davis, cardio! Milton, ortho! Grey, neuro! O'Malley, page the chief and cover his labs!" Dr. Bailey began to shout as her pager beeped 911.

"What about me ma'am?"

"Err, you can go peds!" Cristina looked absolutely horrified. The group of interns began to head towards the elevator.

"Peds? Who does she think I am? I AM A HARDCORE PERSON AND I WILL BE AN AWESOME HARDCORE CARDIO SURGEON!" Cristina had already chosen her specialty, everyone knew that.

"Ooh, you're so lucky! I love peds! All the little children!" Izzie was bouncing again; George grabbed her shoulders to calm her down.

"That's easy for you to say, you're best friends with the attending!" Cristina exhaled loudly as the elevator dinged suddenly. Izzie and Alex stepped out. Just as the doors were about an arm stuck in their way. A tall, dark-haired attending stepping into the elevator. Meredith had some strange feeling that she knew him, but she was sure they had never met before. She would remember _him_.

"Hi, you must be the new interns? I'm Dr. Shepherd, neuro." Dr Shepherd smiled as the others nodded. She was too shocked to move. "You with Bailey?"

"Yes, but she had a trauma and sent us off."

"I see. Anyone on neuro?"

"I am." Meredith nervously smiled and Dr Shepherd held out his hand. Meredith's heart sank. Married.

"Welcome to the team, Dr…"

"Grey. Meredith Grey, sir."

"Well, nice to meet you Dr. Grey. And please, don't call me sir. It's all much too formal for me!" They shook hands and the elevator dinged again.

"After you, Dr. Grey."

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd!" As Meredith stepped out of the elevator she remembered Finn and mentally kicked herself.

ooo

"Izzie says we're going out with Arizona tonight, it's a tradition or something." Alex plonked down in the chair next to Meredith, who was pulling out her phone.

_Finn_

_Going out for a drink after work. See you later  
Mer xxx_

"How's McDreamy?" Meredith's brow furrowed,  
"McDreamy?"  
"Dr Shepherd," Cristina explained, "he's McDreamy, his wife is McHottie and Sloan is..."  
"McYummy?"  
"McSexy?"  
"McSteamy!"  
"Just chocking back some mcvomit!"

ooo

"This is bad." Addison Shepherd lay in bed with someone who should not be there. "How did this happen?"

"Well…"

"Rhetorical question, Mark!" Addison had gotten up and was grabbing her clothes from the floor, dressing herself hurriedly. When she saw Mark hadn't moved, she threw his sock at him.

"MOVE! Derek will be home in less than an hour and I would _quite_ like to shower."

"I can help you with that if…"

"GO!" Mark grabbed his shirt and pants before hurrying out of the room.

10 minutes later, Addison's phone beeped.

_Addi_

_I'm sorry. I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am. Derek's my best friend, you're like my sister. Forgive me?_

_Stupid Manwhore x x x_

o

_Mark_

_It was my fault too. You're also like my big brother _ _I'm not gonna tell Derek, I hope you won't either. He doesn't need to be hurt like that. It meant nothing, right?_

_Addison xx_

o

_Addi_

_I agree. See you at my birthday? _

_Mark x x x_

o

_Mark_

_I'll be the one with the massive balloons :D_

_Addison xx_

o

_Addi_

_Hahahaha! Wait, are you serious?_

_Mark x x x_

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"Dr. Robbins! Dr. Bailey ad a trauma so I'm on your service today."

"Super! Welcome to peds, Dr. Yang, you've come on a very special day; Amy's going home and everyone's invited to her leaving party!"

"Yay," Cristina's voice was heavy with sarcasm. Arizona frowned.

"Party pooper!" Arizona pulled a giant cardboard box from underneath the counter. From it, she took party hats. She put one on her head and gave the other to an extremely mortified Cristina.

"Follow me," Arizona wheeled away.

"Are you kidding me?" Cristina muttered under her breath as she unwillingly followed. The nurses, who had been watching the entire time, sniggered.

"Got a problem?"

"No, it's just… you should have arranged a fake page; that's what Dr. Torres did."

"Why would Torres be up here in fluffy la-la land?"

"Don't you know? She's dating Dr. Robbins!" Cristina just nodded and walked after Arizona. The nurses were the worst gossips; even the interns knew that.

ooo

Finn Dandridge thought of his fiancée every time the alarm sounded. Before he knew of the location, he thought of Meredith. He had never felt like that before, he never felt the same panic about anyone else, but Meredith Grey. He tried to push it out of his mind, but it was always in the background. So, when he heard the ear-splitting ring, thoughts of Meredith flooded his mind.  
"THERE'S A FIRE IN A BAR! IT'S ONLY A FEW BLOCKS AWAY, OPPOSITE SEATTLE GRACE HOSPITAL!" Finn's knees buckled. It was the interns' night off; they were going to a bar. He ran to the trucks at full speed.  
"Please, no."

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**A/N: :O CLIFFHANGER! Is everyone ok? I really hope to get the next chapter up super quickly so as not to leave you in too much suspense. Also, I'm not too keen on the Maddison text convo, I might change that I'm not sure. What did you think? Reviews are always appreciated :) Emily x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 3**

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**A/N: Wow, ****I think**** 7x10 is my favourite episode this season! Anyways, how are you all? Thank you, again, to all of the lovely **_**lovely**_** people who reviewed and/or favourited the last two chapters **** If you could do the same for this chapter my love for you will only grow stronger! Emily x**

**P.S. I kept the Maddison texting in as it sets out a bit of the story later on. Anyways, enjoy!**

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Callie Torres didn't usually care what people think about her. She walked tall around Seattle Grace Hospital; people respected her. So walking out of the hospital hand in hand with her girlfriend didn't usually bother her, but today was different. She knew men still looked at her, but the stuttering intern had been different.

"O'Malley!" Arizona shouted over Callie's shoulder.

"Yes, Dr Robbins. Oh, hello…Dr. Torres." George had seemed nervous around Callie. Arizona seemed oblivious to it.

"Well, O'Malley, Dr. Shepherd is taking you out tonight, I'm taking you tomorrow. I just thought I'd let you know."

"OK, thank you Dr. Robbins, I'll let the others know."

"Awesome!" Arizona flashed her dimples at the intern, who nodded awkwardly and turned away, tripping over his own feet doing so.

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"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith was pacing around the locker room in her bra. George was clearly uncomfortable with this; he was almost used to it now, however, having been her roommate through med school.

"That's what she said!"

"_Dr. Shepherd?_" Meredith was practically screeching by now. George knew this was a bad sign.

"I don't get how bad this is, I mean, _you,_" he pointed an accusing finger at Meredith, "are engaged!" He leaned back against the lockers in triumph; Meredith had no reply to that.

"Well, I don't think I'm going..."

"Why not?" He received no answer. "Mer! You can tell me!"

"Hemakesmefeelweird," Meredith mumbled at lightening speed. Again, George was used to this; it was what Meredith did when she was stressed.

"What?" George had understood his friend perfectly, but knew she had to elaborate more for her own benefit than anyone elses.

"He makes me feel weird." George raised his eyebrows expectantly, giving her the nudge she needed to continue, "I can't really explain it, George. I've always seen everything in colour. Bright, shining colour. Not in a happy way, but in such a way that nothing slips by me. Now, it's like he's come along and drained my world of it's colour. Again, not in a sad way, but so I look at what's right in front of me. I don't see a spectrum anymore I see different shades of grey, like the world has been drawn with sketching pencils." George's pager went off; she looked at the screen,

"there's no backing out now, Mer, he's waiting for us."

ooo

George grabbed Meredith's hand as they walked through the large glass doors that fronted the hospital.

"What are you doing?"

"Don't argue. I know you, Mer, you need the confidence." Meredith smiled and rested her head on George's shoulder. He was the sensitive one in the group: Izzie was the perky one; Alex was the evil one; Cristina was the twisted one and Meredith was the tape and glue. She held them all together. She even gave them her house. Their initials spelt MAGIC. Without Meredith, there would be no magic five.

"Ah, Grey, O'Malley nice of you to join us," an unfamiliar redhead said to them as they approached the group, "I'm Dr. Shepherd." _Oh_. His wife. "Please call me Addison outside of the hospital. Now, we were going to go over to Joe's, but if you continue at Seattle Grace you'll be spending most of your spare time over there. But, I did promise Joe I'd go over and introduce you. Be nice to Joe, he's not someone you treat terrible. He's proven more of a friend to us than anyone else who is not in our profession. Joe's helped us all through some tough times." Addison nodde sadly. "OK! Follow me!" The six of them crossed the road and headed into the comfortable-looking bar. A tall man was standing behind the counter, "Addison! The usual?"

"Ah, thanks Joe, but sadly I'm not staying. These are the new interns: Izzie, Alex, Cristina, George and Meredith."

"MAGIC."

"What?"

"Their initials spell out MAGIC!"

"People call us the magic five."

"Hmm... I may catch onto that!" Addison laughed, "you know what? Lets stay here for a little while. There's someone I need to talk to." She walked over to the bar and the interns went in the other direction towards a table.

"You know what guys? I'm going to the bathroom." Once inside a cubicle Meredith crumbled to the floor completely exhausted. She pulled out her diary and her favourite pen.

_Dear Diary,_

_What is it about Derek Shepherd that makes me feel like this? I am tired; so tired. I have spent the whole afternoon worrying about seeing him again and the rest of the evening smiling politely and trying to make small talk with his wife. Eugh, I am engaged to Finn. I am in love with Finn Colin Dandridge. I am getting married in 23 days. I am going to be Dr. Meredith Dandridge-Grey in 23 days. What is wrong with me? I'm engaged, he's married (and he's my boss). Cristina calls him McDreamy. Mayve that's what it is! Maybe this is normal, he has a dreamy quality that makes everyone feel weird around him. Argh, I need help!_

Meredith shut the battered, leather-bound book and pushed herself up off the floor. She was about to unlock the door, but she heard someone come in.

"This is the ladies', Mark" Addison said. Meredith hadn't even heard her enter.

"Yeah, well we have to talk."

"No. No we don't." Meredith leant against the wall, intrigued by what she heard.

"Yeah, we do. You didn't tell anyone did you? You didn't tell Derek?" Meredith recognised Mark's deep, husky voice as the one of Dr. Sloan (head of Plastics). She had met Mark Sloan in the cafeteria that morning whilst talking to Izzie and Arizona. He had told Arizona something about someone called Callie looking for her; then he had tried to hit on all three of them.

"No I didn't tell anyone Mark, and I'm

not going to. It's best if we just forget it ever happened and go back to being friends. Best friends."

"Good, me too. I mean, you're Derek's wife. Derek's my best friend; so are you. I don't want to throw that all away because we made a stupid mistake."

"Me neither. If Derek finds out, I'll say you McTricked me into doing McNasty with McSteamy." Meredith's eyes grew wide. Addison was cheating? She had never seen the Shepherds together, but she had assumed they were happy. She heard Mark laugh and Addison sighed.

"Well, I better get going. I'm taking the interns bowling!"

"Bowling? Stay away from Arizona!"

"What? Bowling is fun! And I like Arizona, besides I can hardly stay away from her, she's Callie's girlfriend!" Mark laughed again and Meredith heard the door open again. Addison didn't seem to be going anywhere. Meredith sat back down.

_Addison and Mark? Poor Derek,_

_I don't really know them, but I feel sorry for him. McSteamy is known for being a manwhore, but I never thought Addison was the cheating kind. I guess I shouldn't judge. For all I know, Derek and Addison have a horrible marriage or even an open one._

Meredith heard Addison leave so she quickly got up and left.

"Right guys finish up! We're going bowling!"

ooo

**A/N: Thoughts? I love you all for reading! An hour to write, a second to review! Emily x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 4**

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**A/N: I wrote this on my phone so I don't think it's very good, but hey! speedy update ;) So you get to see the bowling trip with Addison in this chapter! I love reviews almost as much as I love tumblr :D Emily x**

**P.S. This one's for Stassia and Jeni :3 thanks for helping with my writers block (and happy birthday Jen) 3 xxx**

**DISCLAIMER: I am cold. I also don't own Grey's Anatomy or have any medical knowledge (maybe one day).**

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"Strike!" Alex laughed at Izzie's enthusiasm. He knew she was perky, but this was a whole other league. This was super perky. No-one else seemed to be really trying: George was loitering by the arcade games; Cristina was chatting to a group of guys at another lane; Meredith kept looking weirdly at Addison and Alex was just watching Izzie and occasionally bowling. He didn't mind this though, Izzie looked really hot when she was bowling.

"Addison! It's your turn!" Izzie twirled around and sat down next to Alex, who immediately put his arm around her shoulders. Addison rose and grabbed a ball. She turned and rolled the ball down the lane gracefully.

"Seven pins! Damn!" She grabbed another ball, kissed it for luck, and repeated the process.

"Spare!" Izzie clapped and hi-fived her new friend.

"That's the end of the game!" Alex called out, "why don't we go to the bar and take a drinks break." Addison nodded in agreement and they all walked in the direction of the bar.

ooo

Sitting at the bar, Addison heard a familiar voice coming from the entrance,

"Oh my god this is perky heaven!" Callie Torres in a BowlPlex?

"Aw, you're gonna love it!" How did Arizona manage to get Callie in here? Addison shuddered; she didn't want to know.

"I doubt it. I had a bowling party when I was 10. Not fun." Addison laughed. Callie heard that and turned to face her.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd! Were you eavesdropping?"

"You were talking quite loudly, Calliope Iphigenia Torres." Addison hugged both her friends and turned towards the interns.

"Dr. Torres, Dr. Robbins, these are the new interns: George, Izzie, Alex, Meredith and Cristina."

ooo

"Hello?" Meredith answered her phone after the first ring, wanting to get away from the awkward company of Addison Montgomery.

"Meredith! Are you OK?"

"Woah, Finn, slow down! Of course I'm OK! What happened?"

"There was a fire. In a bar across from the hospital."

"There was a fire?"

"Yeah. Pretty bad from the looks of it."

"Oh my god, I have to tell everyone else. I'll probably see you there. Bye, I love you."

"I love you too." Meredith hung up and turned to face the others, shock written all over her face.

"There's been a fire at the bar. Joe is fine and there are a couple of people who are out, but there are still people in there." Addison, Callie and Arizona didn't move at all. After a few minutes Addison said quietly,

"Mark was there." Callie was breathing heavily. She and Mark were obviously close.

"We have to go there," Callie said through gritted teeth. Addison nodded and turned to the interns,

"You coming or staying?" Meredith nodded, as did George, Izzie, Alex and, eventually, Cristina. Addison pulled out her purse and left enough money to pay for drinks before running after Callie and Arizona to their car.

ooo

Addison drove while Callie and Arizona sat in the back. Arizona didn't loosen her grip on Callie's hand for the whole journey and Callie's head was resting on Arizona's shoulder.

"I don't like the idea of you driving my car, Addie." Callie had complained when the redhead had taken her keys.

"Please, Cal, I need something to distract me."

"I don't think a car crash will help" Callie muttered, but she got in the back nevertheless. It seemed, whilst they were all in the car, that everyone needed to distract themselves. Izzie and Arizona were playing a quiet game of 'I spy'; George was playing solitaire on his phone; Alex had his music on full volume; Callie was counting the coins in her wallet; Cristina had a flask of vodka; Addison was driving and Meredith was writing.

Dear Diary,

Everyone is a wreck. Although no-one is speaking, it's easy to tell. We're flying down the freeway at such speeds that I'm feeling a little queasy. It's a good feeling though, something that fights through the numbness. I can't believe it. All those people. I've witnessed mass-traumas before, but it never had some sort of connection to me. I don't really know anyone who was in the fire, but I was so close to being one of them. What if I had died today?

ooo

It would have usually taken half an hour to get to the bar, but Addison managed to do it in 10 minutes. Callie shuddered at the thought of the huge speeding fine that was sure to be coming her way, but she didn't care; she had to get to Mark. She was also thankful that she wasn't driving and could sit in the back with Arizona, who was almost holding her together.

"It'll be fine." Arizona whispered in her ear as they climbed out of the car. There was a sharp intake of breath as the eight doctors looked at the site where the bar used to be. The whole of the right side of the building had disappeared and a large pile of ash replaced it, undisturbed by the still night air. The 'Emerald City Bar' sign had fallen from its spot to the left of the door and the door was hanging on one hinge. Sirens were sounding from every direction and, although they knew most of it was from the hospital across the road, it was still shocking. People were still being carried from the wreckage and Arizona was the first to snap out of her trance-like state,

"We should go and check out the situation, see who they've found." Meredith was surprised at how calm she sounded. Callie just nodded and Arizona interlocked their fingers. They walked towards the large group of people, holding hands. Meredith wondered if they were dating. The others began to follow; Addison and Meredith were left to walk at their own slow pace. It was Addison who broke the uncomfortable silence,

"She's a pediatric surgeon."

"What?"

"Arizona... Dr. Robbins," she corrected herself, "she has to be calm in traumatic situations. She also has to stay strong for Torres."

"Are they..."

"Together? Yeah. Why?"

"She seems pretty friendly with Sloan, that's all."

"Callie and Mark are best friends. Does it bother you that they're gay?"

"No, not at all, I was just confused." Addison seemed to believe her and they spent the next few seconds in amicable company. The others then returned.

"They won't tell us anything. I sent the interns home, Addie, it's nearly 2:00 and they have to work tomorrow. You should probably go too, Meredith." Callie said.

"I'm not going. You need me here."

"Why?" It was Arizona who asked this time.

"Because I have friends in the fire department!" Meredith winked before shouting at two firemen walking past.

"Dan! Roy!"

"Oh hey Mer, what're you doin' here? Finn won't be off for, why, for quite a while longer." The tall ginger man spoke in a thick Texan accent. Addison, Callie and Arizona watched this encounter bewilderedly.

"Do you know where he is?" It was the short blonde man who answered,

"I think he's round the back, looking for the source." This man was obviously British.

"Thanks guys!" Mer winked again before motioning for three shocked women to follow her. She laughed to herself.

ooo

"Finn!" Meredith couldn't help but smile at the sight of her fiancé.

"Mer!" Finn pulled her into a tight hug, unaware of the company. Neither of them remembered they were there until Arizona sneezed.

"Finn, this is Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, Dr. Torres and Dr. Robbins." she then turned to the doctors, "this is my fiancé, Finn."

"Please, Callie."

"Addison."

"Arizona."

"Pleasure to meet you all." Everyone shook hands politely. Meredith took Finn's hand.

"Tell us everything you know." Meredith said softly, but still firmly.

"We think it started here, in the bathroom. We found someone in here, unknown identity. His wallet was scorched pretty badly." Everyone froze.

"Mark was in the bathroom when I left." Addison said, almost inaudibly. Arizona wrapped her arms protectively around Callie's waist.

"He was sent to the hospital. We found the bartender and most of the customers are out, but they're still clearing out the kitchens."

"We should talk to Joe, he would know where Mark was." Arizona said.

"Everyone's across the road." He saw the worried expressions on everyone's faces so he explained, "it's just a precaution. They must have inhaled quite a bit of smoke."

"Thanks Finn, I'll see you later." Meredith stood on her tiptoes to kiss him softly before following her bosses to the hospital.

ooo

"Where is he?" Callie said to the chief, Arizona at her heels, Meredith a few steps behind.

"Who?"

"Mark."

"Was he at Joe's?"

"Unidentified male, 45 years of age, 2nd degree burns on the left side of his body." Addison said, walking back towards them. She had gone to the trauma rooms to try and assess the situation; there were so many people there, but only one was unidentified.

"Is that Sloan?" The chief looked worried.

"It must be, he isn't picking up his phone. He _always_ picks up his phone." Addison said. Callie was still frozen.

"Callie, Cal we can go and see him." Addison said softly to her friend. She was worried about her. Arizona nodded encouragingly and, with Addison holding Callie's other hand, began to lead her away. Meredith stayed behind this time, not wanting to invade.

"Ooh! Three girls coming into my room, I _love_ this hospital!" Even Arizona smiled at that. Mark was fine. Callie's smile was the widest, she moved towards him and sat on the bed, snuggling into the right side of his body.

"Hey Cal, what's this for?" Mark wrapped his arms around his best friend and pulled her into him. Arizona and Addison glared at them.

"You nearly died on me, Mark! What would I have done without you?" She hit him lightly, and Mark cried out in mock-pain.

"You would've had to settle for Blondie." Callie hit him again, this time a little less playfully. It felt good to have her best friend back.

ooo

A/N: Thoughts? Reviews are awesome :) Emily x


	5. Chapter 5

**Dear Diary**

Chapter 5

ooo

**A/N: The Christmas holidays are here so I'll have a lot more time to write :D Emily x**

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or have any medical knowledge. I did a teeny bit of research on burns, but I have a low attention span (well, I don't...but come on, it was 4 am)!

ooo

"So, if you're up and talking, why are you an 'unidentified male'?" Addison asked as she re-entered the room with a pot of lime jell-o. She sat on the chair she had moved into a comfortable place and put her legs up on the bed.  
"Interns are stupid. They didn't recognize me so I refused to talk."  
"Mark!" Callie was half-laughing, half-frowning at him.  
"Anyway, where's Robbins? Why isn't she crying by my bedside?" Callie rolled her eyes as Mark acted out his pain melodramatically.  
"She's on call tonight."  
"And my shift begins in," Addison checked her watch, "3 minutes."  
"But Addie! It hurts! Oh, it hurts so badly!" Mark was really getting comfortable now. It had been a week since the fire and the blistering on his left side had began to go down. He was lucky, the burn hadn't gone too far into the dermis so it was likely to go in a couple of weeks. So Mark Sloan, not including the sex and the surgeries, was almost back. There was only one thing missing. Despite his man-whore exterior, Mark wanted a family. He wanted a wife and a kid; a house and a dog. He'd made a lot of mistakes, he had betrayed his best friend. Mark had 3 best friends: Callie, Derek and Addison. They all visited, but they were in surgery so often. Callie had suggested taking her holiday days and staying with him, but he protested. He knew how much she needed that holiday and besides, she'd been planning to go to Spain with Blondie.  
"I gotta run!" Addison hugged them both and hurried out of the room. As soon as she had gone Callie looked expectantly at Mark.  
"What?"  
"Spill!"  
"Spill what?"  
"What's with the tension between you and Addie?" Mark sighed; Callie never missed a thing.  
"I slept with her." He mumbled ashamedly.  
"You did _what_?" Callie's voice was surprisingly high. If he hadn't have been lying in a hospital bed, Mark would have taken a step back.  
"I know, I know this is terrible Cal! What was I thinking? She's married. She's married to my best friend! Whenever I see her with Derek, I feel so guilty."  
"You've known and been in love with Addison for 20 years. Who initiated it?"  
"She did."  
"Well then that's one thing for your defence."  
"I didn't stop her, Cal! She kissed me and I didn't push her away. She unbuttoned my pants and I didn't object. Oh, Callie! I am a broken man. People like me are not made for secrets!"  
"You are _not_ broken. You are one of the strongest people I know and no-one cares about their friends more than you. You've built yourself a family, you have me, Derek and Addison. We are family. And people make mistakes, but only the strongest can admit it. **You are strong**, Mark Sloan, and you are loved for it."  
"Love you, Cal."  
"Love you too, Mark."

ooo

"Arizona!"  
"Oh, hey Addison!"  
"Do you have a minute?"  
"Sure." Arizona smiled and followed the tall redhead to an on-call room.  
"OK, this is totally weird and I would usually go to Callie about stuff like this, but she can be judgmental and you're as much as a friend to me as anyone else and…"  
"Addie!" Arizona cut her off, she knew she had too when Addison started rambling, she did exactly the same thing, "what is it?" Addison sighed and sat down on the bed.  
"I did a terrible, terrible thing! Arizona…I slept with Mark."  
"You…and Mark…you…_how_?" Arizona sat down next to her friend.  
"Derek was out and I had a little bit too much eggnog and it just…happened."  
"Eggnog? Addison, it's November."  
"I know! I'm a mess! Derek is perfect, he's so lovely to me and we just had one fight, one fight and I potentially threw away our marriage!" Arizona wrapped her arm around Addison's shoulders. Addison was shaking with sobs; she rested her head on the blonde's shoulder.  
"What was the fight about?" Arizona then realized that might have been a little insensitive, "you don't have to tell me. I mean, you can, if you want to. I'm not saying you have to, but you can trust me." Addison stifled a laugh.  
"He kept picking up extra shifts at the hospital and I felt that he wasn't at home enough. He got really angry when I told him and he started shouting that he did it for me, so we didn't have to live in a trailer and we could build a house and start a family." hot tears were rolling freely down her cheeks now, "I feel so guilty, Arizona, I doubted my husband. My husband, who I love. What sort of a wife am I? I was so certain that he was trying to avoid me that I jump into bed with his best friend!" Addison spat disgustedly. Arizona sighed,  
"Did you really believe Derek was avoiding you?" Addison nodded, "well, that still doesn't justify what you did, but it's a start. I don't think you really can justify it, Addie. Whatever your reasons, you still committed adultery. I think that the first thing you need to do is accept what you did. Then you need to consider what you want? Do you want to keep living a lie? Or tell Derek and see what plays out? It's your call. And I, as will Calliope, will be there to back you no matter what." Addison sniffled,  
"Thanks, Zona, you really are awesome!"  
"I know!"

ooo

Callie and Arizona were walking out of the hospital,  
"We live in a sitcom."  
"I know."

ooo

**A/N: The next chapter will ber MerDer, the Maddison-ness is key later on so I had to do this. Thoughts? 10 reviews = immediate update!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 6**

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**A/N: Thanks everyone who reviewed and/or favourited, it means a lot! So, finally some MerDer! this has kinda turned into a bit of a Maddison story, but that's practically it for them ( :) or :( depends on how much you liked it). Please review, it only takes a second and it really means a lot to me! Emily x**

**P.S. I got really bad writer's block so sorry it took so long to get it up! Hope you all had a great christmas and new year!**

**P.P.S. I've never played baseball. It's like rounders, right? ;)**

**DISCLAIMER: Grey's ain't mine!**

ooo

"Meet me on the baseball field at 7:45"

"OK, Dr. Hunt!" Owen nodded shortly and turned away from the nurses station, where Bailey's interns were waiting for her.

"So, baseball with Dr. Hunt! Looking forward to this, Cristina?" Alex taunted.

"What? Why? I don't _like_ him."

"No. You don't." Meredith joined in, "You _love_ him!"

"Oh! Mer! That's just immature!"

"True though!" Alex prodded her in the ribs.

"All right, that's enough! Interns follow me, we have a lot to do today!" Bailey shouted down the corridor. The interns scrambled after her, amusing the nurses who were standing near.

"Apparently, the Nazi's knocked up." Cristina whispered to her friends.

"Seriously?" Meredith leaned in, completely intrigued by the new gossip.

"Yeah, heard it from the nurses."

"Oh, OK. _That's_ a reliable source." Izzie said sarcastically.

"One of the nurses has a crush on you, Georgie boy." Alex elbowed him. George looked shocked,

"Really? So…um…who? You know…not that I care…I mean…I do…care…or…err." He stammered trying to fake nonchalance, but failing.

"It was…errm…"

"You don't know her name?" Meredith screeched, causing Bailey to turn around.

"Shhh! Chill out, it's Olivia!"

"Oh…she's…nice."

"Damn straight, George!" Izzie glared at her boyfriend, "What? You know there's only one girl for me." Izzie smiled at him, unable to stay angry.

"Enough with the gossip, I'm already facing a trauma, I don't need another one!"

ooo

"OK, grab a beer from the cooler and gather round!" Owen smiled at the interns as they arrived at the field. "For the forseeable future, this hospital is going to be your home. You'll eat in the cafeteria; sleep in on-call rooms; do anything you have to to get ahead. To make it, you have to focus on what's in front of you. Either push away the distractions or learn to balance the two. Baseball is a metaphor for life in a hospital. You have to hit the ball, time your runs. But it's also a team game. As an intern you will do anything to go solo, but look around you. You can all help each other. Don't doubt your team mates, they may be the enemy, but they are also your friends." Owen nodded at the baffled interns. Smirking, he instructed them all to split into two teams. They all spent the next hour having the most fun they'd had in ages.

ooo

"Dr. Hunt!" Mark, Derek, Callie and Arizona were walking towards the field. Callie and Mark were laughing about something or other while Derek and Arizona were discussing a patient.

"Evening! You wanna play?"

"Sure, we were just coming out 'cause Mark is an annoying patient. Seriously I...aargh!" Mark poked his best friend playfully in the ribs.

"Oh, you are so dead." Mark raised an eyebrow and began to run, Callie closely behind. She was surprisingly fast, catching up with him easily and leaping on his back.

"I let you win!" Mark pouted like a child. Derek, Arizona and Owen were in hysterics; the interns were confused.

"Shall we take a break?"

ooo

"Evening, Grey." Derek approached Meredith, making her jump slightly. He chuckled.

"I'm not that scary am I?"

"No...I just didn't see you there...Sir...Derek...Dr. Shepherd!"

"Derek. We aren't at work _Meredith_."

"OK, _Derek_, are you having a good night?"

"Yeah, Mark just needed to get out so Callie suggested baseball. It's what we do, the six of us, when we all have the night off, or just need to relax."

"Six?"

"Teddy and Addie usually come, but they're working tonight." Meredith nodded and took a large swig of her beer.

"Dr. Sloan's recovering then?"

"Pretty much, he's just bored out of his mind because we're all busy and he can't operate or...ahem...the other thing." Meredith laughed for the first time since beginning her 48 hour shift. She had only just realized how tired she was.

"Well shall we get back to the game?"

"You go ahead I have to make a call." Meredith gave a lame excuse, finished her drink and hurried away.

_Dear Diary,_

_I actually had a normal conversation with Derek which didn't concern work! I don't know why I am making such a big fuss, I'm not in love with him or anything. Am I? No! Why am I even thinking that? Finn. Finn Finn Finn. And he's got Addison. Eurgh, he even calls her 'Addie'. Why do I care though? It's not my place. But I know. He's so happy with her, but it's all a lie. I can't say anything. Should I? I can't stand this, I hate secrets. But it's not my place. Besides, __**Addie**__ is my boss too. No, I'll just have to butt out of the Shepherds' marriage._

ooo

**A/N: Penny for your thoughts! 30 seconds to review. 10 reviews = immediate update (next few days) Emily x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 7**

ooo

**A/N: This is speedy to make up for chapter 6 being so slow! Hope you enjoy it! Emily x**

**P.S. I noticed in one of the earlier chapters Arizona said it was november. It was infact **_**August**_**. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or have any medical knowledge.**

ooo

Meredith turned on the hot water and climbed into the shower. Her aching muscles screamed in protest, but she ignored it; she was numb to the pain. After a 48 hour shift, 3 hours of baseball and awkward company she was just about ready to collapse. Despite her fatigue, however, sleep seemed to evade her when she finally lay in her bed. So she just lay there, waiting to fall asleep. Her brain kept whirring, overthinking and overanaylsing insignificant things. She thought of the hospital, and her friends. She thought about choosing her specialty and she thought about her mother. Her mother, the famous Ellis Grey. She knew she would have wanted her to follow in her mother's footsteps

and pursue general, but she really didn't care. All she knew was that neuro didn't seem too appealing at the moment.

ooo

"Callieeee!"

"Mark, I am just in the next room, what is it?" Callie was starting to regret letting Mark live with them, even if Arizona was OK with it. She knew he wasn't in a fit enough state to live on his own, but he was so annoying!

"Your TV's broken!"

"You have to actually get up and press the switch on the set." Callie rolled her eyes and returned to her bedroom where she was clearing out her wardrobe.

"But Callieeee! It hurts!"

"Mark! Get up and push the button or don't watch TV!" She snapped. A week. He had been living with them for just a week and he was already driving her insane. Mark grumbled something, but stubbornly sat in silence so as not to let Callie get her way.

"Right, I'm going to go to work. Call me if your dying. If not, don't bother me." Mark stuck his tongue out as his best friend walked past him and out the door. As soon as the door closed he got up and turned on the TV. Callie laughed to herself as she stood in the hall, hearing the TV flicker into life.

ooo

Derek had been at the hospital for just 27 hours and he had done a craniotomy, a lobectomy and removed a spinal tumor. "Shadow Shepherd" was ill so his schedule had almost doubled. There was a knock at the door of the on-call room and Callie walked in.

"Hey, sorry Shepherd. Do you mind? Mark's driving me crazy at the house and Arizona isn't off for another hour." Derek chuckled,

"Come on in, I'm not really sleeping anyway. Can't seem to drift off." Callie nodded and lay down on the other bed, staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes, Derek spoke,

"Callie?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever been commited to someone, but found yourself liking someone else?"

"Hmm...yeah I guess."

"How did you choose?"

"One of them chose for me, but I would have made the same choice. I'd choose my friends over her anyday."

"Would you choose your friends over Arizona?"

"I consider Arizona as much a friend as my girlfriend." Derek nodded.

"How do I know?"

"Who to choose? There'll be a moment. It may only be for a second, but you'll know then." They both fell into comfortable silence until the sound of snoring filled the room.

ooo

"You seen Derek?" Addison said to Arizona when she saw her standing at the nurses' station.

"I think he went to get some sleep. Up in ortho, I think. I'll walk up with you, I've just finished and Calliope said she'd wait for me." The two women headed towards the elevators and up to the orthopedics wing of the hospital.

When they reached ortho, they were supposed to find them both in an on-call room. They were sitting on a bed and talking together. As soon as Addison and Arizona came in, they suddenly stopped talking.

"Hey," Callie smiled and got up, stretching her legs and pecking her girlfriend on the lips.

"Hi Addie, you ready to go home?" Derek did the same as Callie.

"Yeah let's go."

"Bye guys, have a great evening." Arizona smiled.

"Bye, and thanks for keeping me company, Callie. It was fun."

"Yeah it was. See you later Der." She then added, "Addie, come over later? We need to talk?"

"Sure, Cal, about 7?"

"Sounds perfect!"

_Der,_

_I won't tell her anything, I promise._

_Cal X_

_Cal,_

_;) You're a star! Really though, thanks for being so amazing. I needed to just get it all out. You're 'awesome'! ;)_

_Der x_

ooo

**A/N: I didn't get 10 reviews, but I put this up anyway. Chapter 8 may be a little bit slower to get up, I just started a Glee fic and I'm co-writing a TVD/Grey's fic. Thanks for reviewing and favouriting and everything :) Emily x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 8**

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**A/N: Chapter 8 :D Thanks for the reviews, I'm glad people liked the Der/Cal-ness, I wasn't too sure. Anyways, enjoy! And please keep reviewing! I keep getting less and less and I don't know why (is my writing getting worse?). Even if it's just to say if you liked it or not, reviews mean so much. Sorry for rambling. Emily x**

ooo

"Meredith you're drunk."

"So's Cristina!" Joe had paged Izzie when the 5th shot had been put infront of them.

"BABY YOU MADE IT!" Izzie was slightly shocked at the way Cristina yelled in her face; she didn't even want to think about her breath.

"Come on guys, let's go home." The 'twisted sisters' protested, but, with the help of an all too-willing Joe, Izzie finally got them into the car. She then grabbed Mer's phone out of her bag.

"Hey Mer!"

"Hi Finn, it's Izzie."

"Oh, hey Izzie, is Meredith OK?" Izzie found the way he was suddenly concerned really cute.

"Well, she's gonna stay at our's tonight I just picked them up from the bar...floor." Finn just laughed,

"OK, tell her to call me tomorrow. Bye, Izzie!"

"Bye Finn!"

"WasthatFinn?" Meredith's speach was very slurred.

"Yeah, I couldn't have picked a better man for you, Mrs. Dandridge!"

"YoucallmethatagainandI'llhurtyou." Cristina was snorting with derision.

ooo

Izzie woke up again. This time there was incredibly loud music coming from the living room.

"What are you doing?" Evidentally Meredith and Cristina were still drunk.

"Dancing it out!" Meredith shouted over the music. Izzie grabbed her earplugs and turned around. They were so gonna regret this, but Izzie enjoyed telling them about their 'wild' nights.

ooo

"Morning!" Izzie smiled at Arizona, who was just as perky as she was, when she saw her best friend outside of the hospital. A very hungover Meredith and Cristina trailed behind.

"Woah! Rough night?"

"Eifjdsksx."

"It's too early for them to be stringing together any kind of sentence. We have," Izzie checked her watch, "about 10 minutes before the coffee kicks in!" Arizona laughed and took a sip of her own coffee before walking into the hospital with Izzie.

"Callie off today?"

"Yeah. She's over at Addie and Der's."

"They're off too?"

"Der's here, but Addie's off."

"Well, I'll eat lunch with you. See you later, Zona!"

"See ya, Iz!"

ooo

"I don't know what to do!"

"Me neither, but Addie, that's the 3rd carton of ice-cream you're about to dig into. I know leaning over the toilet won't help." Callie pulled the ice-cream from the redhead's grasp and placed it back in the freezer. Then she sent a quick text.

Zona,

Hope your day's awesome! ;) tell Mark that hes taking Der out later. We're taking Addie out. Girls' night :P maybe invite Teddy, Bailey, Meredith, Cristina and Izzie. I love you, see you later.

Calliope xxx

"Addie, we're going out later. Girls' night!"

"Oh god, Callie, no! Last girls' night was a disaster!"

"Yeah well, this will be way better!"

"How?"

"Because we aren't going to some shitty restaurant in downtown Seattle! Come on, Addie! You have to get out!"

"Fine! But I choose the destination." Callie reluctantly gave in. She was already beginning to regret this.

ooo

"Oh come on! Seriously, Addie? This place looks terrible!" The eight women stood outside a rundown nightclub.

"Callie, loosen up! We'll all just get drunk and forget how shit the place

is!"

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, Are you challenging me to a drinking game?"

"You're on, Calliope Iphegenia Torres!" The two linked arms and walked into the club.

"This is going to be a long night!" Arizona smiled fondly. Izzie linked their arms,

"You are so smitten! Come on Miss. Robbins, let's try and keep up!" Meredith, Cristina, Bailey and Teddy were left standing outside.

"I'm starting to regret this." Bailey turned around, but Teddy pulled her back.

"Come on Bailey! Scared?"

"Me? Never!"

"Then you heard the girl, let's try and keep up!" Meredith and Cristina shared a glance before yelling simultaneously,

"TEQUILAAAA!"

ooo

"Cristina?" Meredith yelled over the music.

"MEREDITH?" Cristina screamed in reply, much louder than necessary.

"OhMeryourphone'sringing!" Addison was very drunk.

"Hello?"

"Grey? It's Derek...Dr. Shepherd, whatever. Errm are you with Addie?"

"?" Meredith had lost count of how much she'd had to drink.

"Errm, not really, it's just...Mark got drunk and...can you just make sure she comes to see me tomorrow? I assume you'll all be crashing at Callie and Arizona's tonight."

"Ok...waithowdidyouknowwherewe'regoing?" Derek chuckled,

"It's what always happens when a group of us get hammered. See you later, Meredith." Derek hung up, but not before Meredith heard him sigh loudly.

ooo

"Morning!"

"How are you still perky?" Cristina glared at Arizona.

"She's always perky." Callie, Teddy, Addison and Bailey moaned simultaneously.

"Well I'm gonna go call Finn. Addie, Derek wanted to talk to you today." Addison groaned again as Meredith made her way out into the hall.

"Hey, Finn."

"Morning, beautiful, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"It's just...two nights in a row Mer, I'm worried."

"I'm fine, Finn. Don't worry about me."

"OK, I love you. Have a good day!"

"I love you too."

ooo

**A/N: Review? Emily x**


	9. Chapter 9

**Dear Diary**

Chapter 9

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**A/N: Hope you enjoy this chapter! If you do (or if you don't) please tell me in a review! Emily x  
**  
ooo

"Finn? What are you doing here?" Meredith beamed at the tall man who had just slid a steaming cup of coffee under her nose.  
"What? I'm not allowed to surprise my fiancée at work now? The age of romance is dead!" Meredith chuckled and pulled him into a hug.  
"Of course you can, but if Bailey gets out of surgery..." Finn cut off her rambling with a kiss,  
"Then I'll explain that my beautiful fiancée is tired and a little bit homesick and I am merely cheering her up with a cup of coffee and a hug." Finn smiled triumphantly.  
"You're such a dork, Finn!"  
"You love it."  
"I do. But I have labs to run, see you at home?"  
"Sure. See you later, baby."  
"Bye, Finn!"

ooo

Derek Shepherd had been pacing his living room for some time when his wife entered.  
"Der, I..."  
"Sit down."  
"Der..."  
"Shut up, sit down and let me talk." Addison silently obeyed.  
"Now, Mark told me some things last night that made me think."  
"I..."  
"Shut up. He told me that you wanted a family. He told me that you wanted to have kids and a dog; a normal life. And I just though, 'what do I want?' And the answer was you. And our kids and our dog. So yeah, we can start a family. We can have kids and a dog. Because, I love you and you are my family." Addison could not believe what she was hearing. She stood up, with tears in her eyes, and kissed her husband with all that she could manage.  
"Can I speak now?" Derek nodded, "I don't think I've ever loved you more than I do now."

ooo

_Dear Diary,_

I heard from the nurses that Derek and Addie are going to start a family. If I didn't know what I knew, I would be happy for them. But, I can't let this happen, can I? They're my friends. I love Addie and Derek is an amazing friend. Sometimes I hate being friends with married couples. I hate being torn between two people if something bad happens. Is that was going to happen to Finn and I? Does every marriage  
  
**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

Meredith's pager beeped loudly, interrupting her few solitary moments in an on-call room. It was the first time in weeks that she had been able to just sit and think about something other than medicine.  
"Damn," she muttered to herself as Bailey's name flashed up on the screen, paging her to her patients room. She leapt up so quickly that she left her diary on the bed.

ooo

It was almost 3am when a very sleepy surgeon collapsed onto the same bed Meredith had occupied only an hour before.  
"What's this?" They reached under them to pull out the square object that they had just laid on...

ooo

**A/N: CLIFFHANGER! who is it? 10 reviews = immediate update! Emily x**


	10. Chapter 10

**Dear Diary**

**Chapter 10**

ooo

**A/N: Woah! Chapter 10! I honestly never thought I'd get past 5 :) This chapter is long because: a) it's chapter 10 so it's a bit of a milestone, b) it was better than splitting it and c) I got a bit carried away with all the cuteness! thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with this story! Please keep reviewing it makes me smile! Emily x**

ooo

He stood in the parking lot, dripping wet with the rain. _I don't care, _he thought._ I feel nothing._

ooo

"Mer!" Meredith turned to see Alex jogging towards her.

"Hey, Alex! What's up?"

"Can you help me out later? Can I come over?"

"Sure, you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Just need your help with something."

"OK, come round about 7."

"Thanks, Mer." Meredith smiled at her friend and turned to face the rain. _Damn Seattle. Rain, rain, rain!_

"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith was surprised to see Derek stood in the middle of the parking lot. "Dr. Shepherd you're gonna catch a cold."

"I don't care."

"But you can't spread anything,"

"I _don't _care, Meredith!" Meredith's mouth snapped shut. "Just," Derek held out an all-too-familiar looking book, "how long have you known?"

"What? Known what? What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb, Meredith! **How long have you known**?" Meredith sighed,

"Two weeks." Then Derek snapped. His knees buckled and he collapsed on the floor, soaking wet and shaking with immense sobs.

"Come on, you can stay at my place tonight." Meredith pulled Derek off of the ground and led him to her car.

ooo

Derek Shepherd stood in the unfamiliar bathroom of Meredith Grey, staring at himself in the mirror. He looked terrible, his eyes were red-rimmed and his skin was ghostly-pale. He climbed into the shower, letting the boiling hot water pour over him. Addison had cheated. Addison had cheated on him with _Mark Sloan_. His best friend had slept with his wife. He felt numb, but he felt everything. All of his emotions just blurred into one: anger. Love, friendship, trust; they were all gone. After almost an hour, he got out and put on the t-shirt and jeans Meredith had left out for him. He smiled. _Meredith_. The blushing intern from the elevator. He had only known the girl for two weeks and yet he already trusted her, considered her a friend. He walked down the stairs and was greeted by Meredith stirring something in a pan. When she noticed him, she smiled softly.

"Hey, do you feel a bit better? I hope pasta's OK, I don't know how to cook much."

"Pasta sounds great, really. Thank you. Thank you for everything Meredith."

ooo

After they had eaten, Meredith and Derek were sitting on the couch in her living room. They had chatted and Derek had even laughed. She really brought out the best in him. He hadn't even thought about Addison and Mark once.

"_Rent_, _Sound Of Music_, _Grease_ or _Singin' In The Rain_?" Meredith asked as she flipped through her collection of musicals. She only watched musicals when she was really depressed, and only after tequila and dancing failed.

"_Singin' In The Rain_!"

They watched the film in amicable company, singing along with all of the songs. Derek was amazed at how easily Meredith had made him feel better. They were in the middle of _You Were Meant For Me_ when Finn returned home. He decided not to disturb them and instead went upstairs to change out of his uniform. He walked into the room he shared with Meredith and sighed. He lay down on the bed and stared at the wall. He saw pictures lined up on the windowsill, pictures of him and Meredith. The earliest one was taken 5 years prior, it was the two of them in their on-campus bar. He remembered that night perfectly. They had bought loads of alcohol and opened a bar in their dorm. They were incredibly popular, no-one questioned Meredith Grey and Finn Dandridge. He lay there wondering if they made the right choice. They had been best friends since high school and had started dating a year after their graduation. His eyes scanned the shelf to find the next picture; graduation. Finn had his arm wrapped protectively around Meredith's shoulders and she was kissing him on the cheek. They were blissfully happy, so happy that Finn wondered if they made the right decision to make it more.

ooo

When the film ended, Meredith and Derek collapsed onto the couch, completely worn out.

"That was fun." Derek said softly.

"Yeah, it was." Meredith agreed. Derek turned to face her,

"Thank you. Really, thank you for cheering me up."

"That's OK, Derek, I'm sure you would have done the same for me."

"Yeah," Derek nodded and smiled, "I think we should get some sleep." His phone then buzzed.

_Reeeeeeaaaally busy in the ER! Get some sleep while you still can! _

_Callie x_

He showed the text to Meredith who laughed.

"I think you're right! Right, you know your way to the guest room?"

"Yeah, and thanks again, Mer."

"No problem! See you tomorrow! Unless you get paged, my car keys are by the door if you do. Just text me if you take the car because I'll get Alex to pick me up."

"OK, thank you so much!" Meredith chuckled and disappeared up the stairs. When she got into her bedroom she saw Finn was already asleep. She got changed in silence and climbed into bed next to him.

ooo

Addison was woken up at 3:30 by her pager. She saw Derek's name flash across the small screen and was immediately confused. He was neuro, why was he paging her? Maybe one of his patients was pregnant. Yes, that was it. She changed into her scrubs and dashed downstairs, opened the front door and ran straight into,

"Arizona?"

"Hey, Addie."

"Ari, what are you doing here? I just got paged, so-" Arizona cut her off,

"Derek has locked himself in an on-call room and he won't come out."

"Shit!"

"Wha-"

"Shit! Shit! _Shit_!"

"Am I missing something? Or-"

"I think he knows!"

"Oh! About you and-"

"Yes!"

"Shit."

"Oh my god! Thanks for coming to tell me, Ari!" Addison practically sprinted to her car.

"Good luck!"

ooo

"Derek?" Addison knocked on the door of the on-call room, Callie stood three steps behind her. Derek opened the door after two minutes of knocking. His eyes were red and puffy and his cheeks were glistening with tears.

"I'm done." He said in a whisper. He pushed past his wife and friend and went back to his job.

ooo

**A/N: what did you think? My heart broke for Derek in this chapter! Please review, Emily x**


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